So I turned in my column last Monday so I find myself with extra brainpower to spare today so, naturally, I’m wasting it on Dave Matthews Band and tumblr, which is a heady mix of ridiculous. I might bust out some Zelda later, too.
But I’ve also decided on something. I’m going to try to be happy this week. Like, honest to god happy and making an effort to do so. Calm. Zen. Level. But at a high level, a good level. Because I had a talk with Mr. BFF yesterday, via text, where he bemoaned my lack of middle ground. And, well, honestly, he’s right. He is so right, I am completely unable to be reasonable and find a happy medium and isn’t it about time I used that to my advantage? If I can turn that wild abandon inward to be a chipper human being, that’s a good plan, right?
Actually, I’m starting to wonder if therapy isn’t helping, even though I left my last session incredibly angry at my therapist. I’m wondering if he’s using some weird psychology thing where he’s making me feel stupid for having these weird and very particular issues that I have and since he’s completely downplaying them, I am now, too. Or maybe he’s just a jerk. Next session, I’m going to go in and just look expectant until he starts talking and he better say something useful. I feel like he’s telling me to do what I think would be the results of therapy without actually doing any therapy to get me there. It’s like an equation, a+b=c, where I’m a and he says “okay, do c” but he doesn’t give me b to get me there.
But whatever. I’m going to have a good week and whining about my therapist isn’t a good start to that. Besides, I don’t see him until next week and that’s probably a good thing. I can let this okayness sink in a little.
The rest of this weekend, however, has been an excellent start. We went out Friday! There were adventures! I made a new friend! And then I made pasties yesterday and they were delicious! And we hung out today and it’s been fun. I decided we weren’t going to go to this all-you-can-drink benefit, which I think was Good Life Choices. I make those so rarely that I feel like I need to point it out. Hey, Universe, I made a good decision! But Mr. J and I had an excellent morning just messin’ around and now we’re just kicking it in the middle room, doing our respective things. In his case, that’s reading a book. I’m currently between books. I have the last Thursday Next book that’s out and I think I’m stalling on reading it because I’ll be sad when it’s over.
Which probably completely sums up my life, right there. BUT HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS.
In other news – Diet Snapple, work, cats, too much messing around on my phone, necklaces, jeans with irritating instructions, upcoming day off for Mr. J’s birthday, upcoming trip out of town, etc, etc.
e-m-j. 
I vote for weird psychologist thing – Interrupting Cow therapy.
I’ve read that if a person’s hung up on something or stuck in a mental rut, sometimes the therapist will refuse to engage or focus on it, regardless of how much the person wants to talk about it. Focusing on it only digs the person deeper into the rut. Redirecting discussion (and thought) is supposed to help change the thought process toward un-stuckness.
In equation terms, a is the rut, c is outside of it, and b is the therapist blocking the rut and looking all unhelpful in doing so, so you have to climb up and out if only to be able to turn around and throw rocks at the stupid rut-blocker.
Maybe. That sounds about right. I’m just surprised that he was like “Okay, here’s c. Do it.” I thought there’d be something in between, you know? And we talk about it, he’s just pretty dismissive of the whole thing. I don’t know. It’s complicated, me and my therapist.